For decades, legions of white-collar workers have been both cringing and cackling at the ludicrousness of corporate buzzwords. Bandwidth, bleeding edge, synergize, leverage, mindshare – they all make me want to pop my ear drums with a sharp number 2 pencil. But surely this type of language abuse can’t be limited to just corporations. Are startups also guilty of creating their own ridiculous vernacular? You bet they are. And now it’s time to make fun of them.
A couple of weeks ago I read this really funny article on TechCrunch entitled “How To Speak Startup.” They pretty much nailed it. Here are my favorites from the article:
Acqui-hire – A strategy for acquiring talent pioneered by Google in the mid-2000s that happens when a bigger company thinks your team is good but your idea is hilariously bad. Also called a “signing bonus.”
Cashflow Positive – Someone gave us a dollar.
“I’m a serial entrepreneur.” – Person who had two ideas, both of which failed.
The Space – Because calling the field in which they’re operating an industry, vertical or even genre is too hard, entrepreneurs like referring to their company as being a player in a given space. They especially like doing this when they know they’re in a crowded market. We don’t know why they do this either.
“We’re doing great.” – We are not doing great.
SF / The Valley – A place that VC’s and tech luminaries talk up as the greatest place on Earth that you must move to if you’re from anywhere that isn’t SF or The Valley.
Gravity — We don’t have that in Silicon Valley.
“We’re Crushing It!” – Your dreams and investors’ dollars are probably being crushed. First rule of Fight Club, bro.
Click here to see the full list over at TechCrunch.